How parents broke that marriage : Side effects of indian in-laws

In India, most of the marriages are arranged and the future husband wife haven't talked to each other or lived with each other for more than a month. Its just random and calculated. No-one cares about the compatibility, its presumed they will be happily adjusting forever. So this is a real life story that happened to one of my friends. 

Ananya lived and worked in mumbai, she had a job with quite good pay and a lot of friends. While she was nearing 26, her parents wanted her to get married as soon as possible. They came to know of a guy around 28 working in bangalore from same caste. The meeting was arranged, ananya entered with tea in her hands and it was love at first sight. Within three months, they were married. In their first meeting in her house, the only question he asked her if she can cook and she replied with a grin on her face, i can do anything but cook. She told him she was a tested lousy cook. Well, rohan thought it was some kind of joke, they barely knew each other to react in a natural way. First few meetings are too sweet and give nothing else but reminder of sweet cuddly ideal love stories we all are wishing to be a part of.  

Three months passed and they were husband wife. Ananya left her job and moved to bangalore, rohan's dad had undergone some serious surgery and both mum dad of rohan came to live with them. She could feel her romantic expectations fading with every passing day. While she was trying to make it work, Rohan too was trying a lot. He would help her in cooking, help her with dishes. Their daily routine would be getting up at 7 am to cook for the parents. For a few months, this worked but we all go back to our old habits, some days she just slept off more and his parents got offended with the idea that their working son had to cook. They were in love and with the hope it will work, both of them kept going on. 

Few more months passed , ananya had no friends to talk to, she was cringing to get back to her life but marriage came with rules that said no job , no maid for house. See this is what they forgot to talk about. Ananya didn't like cooking, Rohan knew what she was going through but he leaned more towards his parents. It was in his blood, all he wanted her to do was what other wives do in most of india. But sadly ananya's dreams were thrashed, thats what arrange marriage does to you when it goes wrong. Either get moulded or die suffocating. She told her mum everything from cooking  mishaps to rare rude taunts from in laws. On his way back from office, rohan would see her talking to her mum for hours. Well, he couldn't help unless she came to him instead of going to mum's lap. There was a bit of immaturity and lack of communication.

After some time. parents left but damage was done. To add to it, when they visited her cousins in mumbai, rohan won't let her wear jeans even with her own cousins. She felt horrible and insulted and powerless. I know, rohan kind of over did it and comes out as a jerk, but 60 percent of indian men are like this, it was just not a good match made by parents. They went back to bangalore, now their relationship was kind of dead. She wanted him to get flowers, taker her to ccd and may be a few trips to mauritius but it all just won't happen, rohan wasn't the romantic kind. As her patience was on an all time low and with a mother who agreed to everything she said, ananya left the house for diwali and never came back. Rohan didn't even know she was gone. 

Ananya, rohan never fought , there was no domestic violence, the chemistry was just not there with parents around, love can't blossom around so many distractions. And thats where arrange marriages fail. Weak person would just stay and suffer, somehow average person will stay and make it work for good, but the strong quirky ones just leave. Sadly in india, 70 percent of girls like ananya never get married again, they are single for a pretty long life. 

Rohan called her a lot, tried to convince her to come back but she wanted his parents to never visit ever. People like me who were around the couple, still believe it could have worked if she waited for a little more months, they were both sweet and lovable. With parents not in picture, they were just perfect, she could have easily made rohan accept her flaws with clothing and rohan had the chance to be with a girl who was fun and cute. She was the just the bestest for him. The complimented each other. Her parents fueled her anger and resentment towards rohan and parents, his parents just labelled her too modern to marry. 

Last I heard, ananya filed for divorce and accused rohan and his parents of dowry and asked for all the money back that they spent on this wedding. Rohan paid off everything , he was way too frustrated and angry. Ananya is confined to small district satna with no life at all. She wanted to come back to rohan but he is now over her. And coming august rohan is getting married again to a small town girl while ananya is still alone regretting her decisions. 

Well I believe if only ananya would have gone back to her life in mumbai, it could have turned out to be one of the best escapes she ever had. They could have made it work too, i have seen a lot of friends of mine who live in US with guys like rohan, their facebook is full of their booze parties and short dresses. The saddest part is ananya could be that girl. She lost patience a little early. Everything comes with time. To get a custom made guy, you have to make a friend and then turn him into that guy and marry him. 

Kids get lost again and again and again :P

Characters : Kriti : Elder sister
                   Anku : Younger sister

Scene 1: Kriti is the elder one, she was just one year old when her mom got her friend for life, her younger sister.   Kriti was kinda slower , talked with anku talked, drove when anku drove. Thankfully, she walked first and dragged anku around to make her learn walking running fast so they could run together.  In everything, that needed a little bit of bravery or intelligence, kriti chickened out and anku got to do it first. The good part was they were really good friends and played together always as a team. Usually found eating mud, kriti obviously wasn't the favorite one for her mother and she still has her doubts at 30. But we all have a kid who we like a bit more than the other because may be that kid has more traits of us. 

Scene 2: They just got a new cycle, kriti is 3 years old and anku 2 year old. While mum is inside house finishing chores, these two set out on cycle. Where are they off to? Well, there was this group of college girls who lived nearby and took kriti to get her some candies from shop. Kriti and anku decide to cycle to the shop. Mum comes out and kids are not there. She is utterly freaked out, she looks everywhere in all the nearby houses, shops. Still no clue, she just sits desperately crying and cursing herself why she wasn't careful. The shopkeeper sees two kids on tricycle coming and asking for candies worth 1 rs. We could get a lot in 1 rs those days. Luckily,someone at the shop knows these greedy neighborhood sisters and informs the mum. She collects her kids and know this is not the last time they are going to get lost. 


Scene 3: Parents know how much difficult it is to travel with two kids in a train. So as soon as the station comes, they get the luggage off, then they take the kids. Because if you take the kids first, they will be out on the platform alone which is dangerous in a country with human trafficking and child beggars. But guess what, kriti is sleeping on a upper berth and her parents after getting luggage and anku out are wondering what they forgot. Fortunately, its the last station and kriti is back with her family. Huh what kind of parents do this, I guess all. 

Scene 4:  Kriti just turned  17 and its vacation time again. The whole family is off to bangkok, pattaya tour with another family of four with two sons. Then as a part of bangkok sightseeing, a train ride is suggested, they all get on, dad is so nervous he can't make out which station to get off on. And inadvertently he says, as soon as the next station comes, we have to get down. Guess what, at the last moment he realizes he is wrong and no one but kriti and the other family's son who is around anku's age are on a bangkok station. Well, the family gets back to the station but kids are off to hotel on their own. Parents get back to hotel, mothers are upset, and they even got that missing announcement of what they are wearing and blah blah. Sadly they are out on the road trying to converse in english with people who don't understand. After an hour of searching, they have met indians, lady from bangkok who couldn't spell hotel and weird cab drivers, they finally see the tower their hotel room could see. Another hour and they are back to hotel. They catch the flight next day and kirit's mother still calls up his mom to say how her son brought her daughter back. 


Scene 5 : Its their visit to mumbai. And we all know how buses operate in fast paced cities. Kriti is 11 years old and it is her first trip in double decker bus, in her way too much excitement she wants to sit on the upper bus. She does it and when the stop comes, parents get down but conductor takes the bus with the kids to next stop. Kids huh, parents run after bus, stop the bus and get their precious kids back. 

Marriage in 60s, Your feet gotta look white

I grew up in 80s and one thing that was pretty cool about them was they were so so chilled and safe for parents, kids. In this blog series, I am going to write a few stories from 80s, things that happened around me, they will all be anonymous. So when it starts, I will write the characters in story, and just write it like a scene, some episode in a serial.

First story starts :

Characters : Savi- 17 year old girl who lives in a remote village near chattarpur, mp
          Varun- 35 year old man living working in a city as engineer with some contractor.
                 
Scene 1 : Savi regularly goes to school, she is one of those A listed students in village. She wants to be a doctor and loves biology.Why is every poor kid talented and wants to study? I don't know, its just fate's way of telling them what they could have but can't have. One of these days, on her way back home from school, she realizes something is gonna wrong and her intuitions haven't failed her. There is this 35 year old guy coming to see her with his mother, why did the parents agree? Why won't they, they have 15 children, its hard to feed them and she being the youngest only girl in the family is still like a burden. They just want to marry her off to this really nice earning guy. They never checked his background. The major reason for saying yes is no dowry option from guy. Well don't judge the guy yet. Obviously, she is sad, angry, frustrated and hoping guy rejects her.

Scene 2: Savi is getting a pedicure at home, they are rubbing gram flour mixed with turmeric and kesar. Why feet? Because they don't show face to strangers. So whether he will marry her or not depends on how her feet look. Okay so this lean guy called Varun comes with mustache and bell bottoms. He is greeted by her brothers and after feet examination, says yes for marriage. Poor girl is all sobbing, even more angry but what could she have done. A month later, they are married. An year later, they have girl, another year later another girl. Thankfully they stopped at that point. Of course that is another story. But you know what, they celebrated their 30th anniversary and are a normal happy couple.

What if she didn't get married to him? Hmm she wouldn't be a doctor for sure because anyways her parents would have tied her to some villager. The good thing is she got to move to a city, lives in well furnished house with fully centralized AC and everything she will ever need. Her husband listens to her and they are so much in love. What if he didn't marry her? I don't know, I think he could have married some other girl. But he wouldn't be so happy and healthy as he is now.

Everything that happens in our life is for a reason.